Breastfeeding & Mental Health – How to Know When It’s Helping or Hurting

And all of the stuff that we see being thrown around on, Instagram and TikTok talk of flamingos not being pink, all of that nonsense, and we're gonna get into that today. So first and foremost, motherhood. Can be really hard and anyone who's telling you that it's not, I would be a little curious about their experience and how honest they're being.

I completely get where moms are coming from and not wanting to sound ungrateful, but denying the reality of a situation and denying our experience within a situation does not benefit us or give us any better outcomes when it comes to, being a good mom. So. I definitely think we have a lack of nuance around how hard breastfeeding can be on us mentally.

I think there is this double-edged sword because a lot of formula companies utilize that narrative to try and sell us formula. They're like, oh, breastfeeding is hard, so just don't do it and buy this formula. It's really great and it's organic. So we, I think lean so heavily on the other side of not wanting to admit that it's hard because if we do, then we might fall prey to that sort of dirty marketing where people are telling us to just throw in the towel because it's difficult.

Being as a person, we're not just focused on your boobs and my practice. We're focused on your mind and your heart and your nutrition and everything else because all of those things really weigh heavily in our experience, of motherhood as a whole. So let's talk about the issue of mental health and breastfeeding and how those things, interact.

A lot of mothers feel that if they are struggling with breastfeeding, that that means that there's something wrong with them and that is objectively untrue. Rather than focusing on the struggling related to supply latch, et cetera, I wanna focus in on. The struggle of feeling like you are not enjoying breastfeeding because that is a very.

There is a lot of layers of complexity to. Breastfeeding and mental health and the experience that moms have related to those two things. So I think it's really important that we separate our bias and suspend our opinions about whether breast is best or not, and think about the fact that breasts are attached to a human being.

For lack of a better word. And I guess really what I mean to say is that it's an ignorant statement because I don't think anyone is arguing that for majority of babies, breast milk is the superior choice when it comes to nutrition, but. That doesn't exist in a vacuum. As I said, we don't have boobies just running around that we can just go and get breast milk from.

They're attached to women. And so when we start to say what is best for everyone, we are completely losing. The agency that an individual woman has over her body and her feeding journey. Because at the end of the day, I think what benefits society the most is if all of us, whether we're mothers or not, whether we're women or men, doesn't matter as long as we have a.

You just need to power through it. And breast milk's the best thing. I have so many moms who come to me and they're just like broken down and thankfully it's not. This is a pretty rare occurrence, but moms who are like broken down by breastfeeding and they're crying and they're over it and they feel guilty and they feel ashamed and they just are not enjoying it the way they thought they were going to, or things are just a fricking mess.

And we talk and I'm like, why is it that you feel you need to breastfeed? And the most tragic thing is a lot of the times they just say because it's best. And it's like, what the hell? Like that's not a, that's not a reason. Like we need to have reasons that are based on our goals and our values. Just because something is best.

Decision you're making with your baby or your child, whether it's related to breastfeeding, whether it's related to vaccinations or circumcision or sleep training, or any of those hot button issues. Understand your why and then your decision is correct. And that's what I think gets so discombobulated within the maternal healthcare space, within the birth worker world within.

Mommy. Social media in general is there is not really one right way to do things. And if we are educated and confident and empowered around our decisions, then our decision is correct. It doesn't have to be the decision that our sister-in-law makes or that our best friend from high school makes. It just needs to be a decision that we feel confident about and that's why I think rather than focusing on what is best, we need to focus on what is best for us within my practice.

You know, three or four times a day, let's say. And they're getting a couple of ounces and they're having to supplement with formula. And we'll go through and talk about, okay, what would you like to do? And let's say they'd like to feed their baby exclusively with breast milk and they don't wanna use any formula.

Then we'll talk about what that would look like to get there. And then we'll take a moment and we'll do something that I think is pretty radical within the space of health. We'll be like, are you actually willing to do that? And a lot of times the answer is yes. And sometimes it's no, and it's just, it's what's lacking within modern healthcare in general.

Like what's within your realm of possibility? Like what's something you can actually control and achieve? And so in the way I practice as a lactation consultant, that goal of focusing on what it is you'd like to do, what it takes to get there. And is that feasible for you? Because I have moms come to me and they really want to,

exclusively provide breast milk, but they also have to sleep through the night. And so there is a disconnect in what they want and what they need, and we can work together to make sure that we close that disconnect as best we can. If they were just to go to an I-B-C-L-C who's like, well, you couldn't possibly.

And the more pressure you put on yourself, it's just gonna make you feel overwhelmed and it's not going to help. When it comes to mental health issues that require treatment with medication, I have a lot of moms who come to me and they're really worried that if they choose to utilize a particular medication.

That will, cause 'em to not be able to breastfeed. Then they're being selfish and they're hurting their baby, and they're taking away an opportunity for their baby to have, you know, optimal health and to get this best food and have this best situation. And while yes, breast milk is the best. Thing in terms of nutrition, having a mother who has their mental health disorder treated is probably better for them than having a mother who is clinically depressed or chronically anxious or what have you.

But it's bad news because it means that you are responsible because we can be cajoled or bullied into making a decision and the person who bullied us is gonna leave and they're not gonna have to deal with the consequences of the decisions that we made. So I think it's super duper important that we remember that that is a double-edged sword responsibility.

What's the Spider-Man thing with great responsibility? I don't remember. But pretty much you need to remember that when you are tasked. With raising a child, with being a mother, you get to make the choices, but you're also responsible. So if you're making choices that are not aligned with your actual values, at the end of the day, you're probably going to have regret and guilt around those decisions if they don't work out the way that you want.

And I'm dealing with the consequences of those decisions or have across time. And the people who pushed me into making those decisions are long gone. And if I would've taken more time to lean into my own goals and to listen to my own intuition, I would've probably made different decisions. I have clients.

Who I work with who are doing all of these things because they feel like they have to, and they're neglecting the fact that that postpartum experience, that time you have with your baby, those first six weeks, 12 weeks, six months, what have you, it's such a blip on the radar by the time you are where I am in motherhood.

Did you feel confident when you were with your baby? Were you present? Like those are the things that really matter. And while our nutrition that we provide our children is. Integral to their experience across their entire lifetime. Their nutrition when it comes to breastfeeding, if it's from our boobs, is directly related to us, and we do not need to make a decision where it's like us or them.

We do not have to feel like we are backed into a corner and we need to make decisions from this. BS idea that breast is best because breast milk is best. I will always say that breast milk for most babies is going to be the optimal choice, unless your baby has an allergy or whatever other health issue, but being fed from your breast, you having to pump exclusively, you having to pump it all.

You have to understand. Why you're making your decisions because that chick on TikTok who had a really compelling mom shamey video go viral about how you're selfish if you don't breastfeed. She's not gonna be there for you in the middle of the night. She's not gonna be there for you when your kid is two years old or six years old.

And like I said. As a mom who has older children, your kids are gonna be fricking proud of you and so grateful to you whether you decided to breastfeed them or whether you went straight to formula. And that might piss some lactation professionals off to hear me say that, but it is the truth. They're gonna love you.

As someone who has met so many children, I've met children who were breastfed and, and, got the gentle parenting treatment their whole childhood, and they were fricking monsters. And I've met kids who were breastfed and slept with their mom and did all these nice things and they were really sweet. And I've met formula fed kids who, you know, they're eating great value chicken nuggets from a plastic bag at the park and they're fricking angels.

And then the same kids. Who their sibling is like a crazy person. So really there's no cut and dry answer to how our kid's gonna turn out. Really, we're all just doing our fricking best. So remember that if you are struggling with your mental health, do not let breastfeeding be like an extra layer. Onto that difficult situation.

There, I'm doing my part to help provide that care to moms and provide really awesome, continuous evidence-based, no BS judgment-free support to mothers covered by insurance, but. I'm one person. As my practice grows, we'll be more people. But it literally, it's so, it's lacking. So do not beat yourself up that the system is broken.

And that's one thing that I'm gonna end on this. One thing that really buggs me within the motherhood space, within the birth space is that we have so many people trying to rage against the machine, but the machine they end up raging against. Is other moms judging other mothers because they're not supported and make different decisions than what you would make, or they make decisions that you don't think are ideal.

So we don't need any more mommy guilt. We don't need any more shame or embarrassment or judgment. We just need to be more supportive of each other, and we need to understand that there are systems out there that can support us within our breastfeeding journeys. And IB CLCs are not just for crack nipples and bad latches.

We are there as to listen to you. Vent, cry, fuss, yell, whatever it is about your feelings, and we're here to validate those. So if you are ever struggling with your mental health, with decision making around infant feeding and what your care plan looks like in treating mental health, if you're dealing with mom, shame with guilt with overwhelm.